Connect (How to be authentically likable and build trust)

Connection matters more than anything, including a great product. If someone doesn’t like or trust you, they’ll never buy whatever you have to offer. In building connections, even though we like to think we aren’t shallow, we are quick to judge others. First impressions do matter. We begin to form impressions in less than 7 seconds from as far as 10 feet away.

This can manifest in various ways, depending on how your prospects discover and initiate first contact with you. If it’s an ad, it’s your choice of imagery and the messaging in your headline. On your website, it’s what they see at first glance above the fold before needing to scroll for more information. In an email, it’s your email subject and first sentence.

Your goal here isn’t to impress or exert authority, it’s actually pretty basic:

1. Be likable
2. Build trust

Be Likable

In traditional sales training, reps are taught to initiate interactions with Non-Business Conversation (NBC) and find common ground that will help you appear more relatable and quickly build rapport with your prospects. These techniques alone aren’t wrong, but without proper application and intention, they come across as inauthentic and may do more harm than good in relationship building.

Instead of trying too hard to be likable, take the pressure off yourself by focusing on making your prospect feel welcomed. This will come back to you in the form of increased likability. Your prospects feel welcomed when you:

1. Be human

There’s an outdated saying that suggests you should never bring your personal issues to work. Not only is it okay, but I believe it’s actually better to do so. For instance, if you’re having a particularly bad day, it’s entirely acceptable to apologize for and explain your low energy rather than putting up a fake smile. Prospects can tell, will understand, and they appreciate your authenticity. I’m not suggesting turning the interaction into a consultation about your personal issues.

2. Be yourself, be authentic

Not just when you’re trying to Connect, but throughout all your interactions with your prospects. Keep it au naturel; don’t force yourself to match your prospect’s personality, cadence, or preferences. 

At the same time, realize that “self” is not singular; it’s plural. There is no such thing as one true authentic self. We have different archetypes or modes of being when we’re with different people, and we might behave differently with our best friends than with our grandparents. Yet, we can confidently say that both of those are authentic versions of ourselves. We develop these different archetypes because it’s valuable to select the right mode of being depending on the situation. 

For instance, you might not swear or make fart jokes (that you do with your friends) in front of your grandma (although some of you might, and that’s a beautiful thing!). Similarly, it isn’t always the most helpful to be overly friendly at work, lest your employees find it difficult to take you seriously. It’s entirely normal to have a work or sales “mode”, and that doesn’t make you inauthentic.

You’ll need to discover for yourself what your personal style is, where you draw the line between these archetypes, and when to employ them. Authenticity means not feeling the need to be someone you’re not, to avoid any sense of being forced. Your archetypes are your personal designs, and more importantly, they all reflect the same set of personal values and ethical ethos that make you who you are. Never apply sales tactics that you aren’t comfortable with or that conflict with your personal ethos. 

3. Make it OK to be vulnerable.

We feel safe and more comfortable opening up when others are willing to take that risky leap and confide their vulnerabilities in us first. If you’re uncertain about anything, it’s always OK to ask politely for clarification and expose your ignorance. Never make assumptions about or stereotype your prospects. It doesn’t make you look stupid; instead, it shows that you care enough to learn.

4. Be intentional, be present

It takes effort to build a relationship, to be fully present, and to actively listen rather than engage in idle conversation. That’s where common ground comes in. Finding common ground isn’t about identifying interesting points that they care about and pretending that you share the same experiences or interests. Instead, it’s about mindfully paying attention to real commonalities and interests that you share. It doesn’t only happen in conversation; it could be through observing something they’re wearing today or learning that they have children through your background research.

There’s nothing wrong with preparing for a sales interaction in advance. It doesn’t make it artificial or scripted. Prospects appreciate the work you put into tailoring the interaction to them; it makes them feel special, just as you would if you went to a restaurant on your birthday, and they sang you a song and gave you free dessert because they took the time to get to know their frequent customers. Brainstorm conversation starters that more easily surface common ground you’re excited to engage and relate with. For example, if you are a foodie, the simple question “What did you have for lunch?” could be a great opener that helps you build a strong foundation with your new prospects.

5. Be sincere

Don’t just give shallow compliments to try and flatter your prospects. If you’re not used to expressing positive sentiments, it does take some effort and practice to notice and genuinely appreciate things that you sincerely admire. Start practicing mindful praise with your friends and family; it’ll greatly improve the quality of your personal relationships too.

Build Trust

Likability is also an element of trust. Some of the other elements include credibility, confidence, and social proof. Here are a few ways to build trust; you don’t have to deploy all of them, and you’ll do well if you don’t go overboard. Remember, focus more on their needs, less on your desires. The goal isn’t to make a sale, it’s to make them feel welcomed and comfortable in your presence.

1. Credentials

What certifications, licenses, or awards have you earned? It could even be your job title itself or your specialized role in your organization. Highlight these to demonstrate that you’re a qualified expert in the field.

2. Experience

How long have you been in this industry? At this job? How many clients have you worked with? Have you worked with someone who’s faced a similar situation as them?

(Y Combinator’s website)

(Kapor Capital’s website)

3. Knowledge

Never brag and avoid dropping jargon. You don’t want to accidentally make them feel dumb or ignorant. Instead, approach this by highlighting common misconceptions, matching their level of understanding, and teaching them about potential blind spots.

4. Passion

It’s expected for you to passionately advocate for your own product or the company you’re working for. After all, they are paying you, and that’s what you’re trained to do. Also, make it a point to share your honest passion for this type of solution or your personal infatuation with the industry at large. If it’s lacking, perhaps it’s time to consider a career or company change.

5. Play on their team

They will never trust you if they feel like it’s you/your company vs. them. Yet, it befuddles me that many sales teams adopt this mindset. Always position yourself with them, even if they never end up becoming a customer. If you’ve personally navigated the same situation they have, share your experience as a fellow consumer trying to help another.

6. Be confident

If you know your stuff and understand what’s best for your prospects, be confident in your recommendations and don’t hesitate to lead the conversation. It’s not about putting on a false sense of bravado or confidently bullshitting your way through questions when you don’t clearly know the answer. If you genuinely don’t know something, it’s better to admit it and get back to them with a proper answer after you’ve done your research.

Confidence isn’t about asserting dominance by being commanding. It’s about earning respect by demonstrating a calm competence that comes with experience and knowledge.

7. Dress the part

You don’t always have to wear a suit and tie; in fact, in some cases, it’s better not to. Be yourself by dressing in what makes you comfortable and confident, but also be realistic and dress the part to align with expectations. You would be worried if your doctor came in to see you in flip-flops, a hoodie, and shorts. Going all out with a suit and tie when meeting with a tech angel investor will also give the wrong impression that you’re too stiff and formal.

8. Social Proof

You can only get so far tooting your own horn. Instead of telling, show them who else is at the table. People are more willing to trust you if they can see that others have also trusted you and not been let down. Are there any notable or recognizable current or former customers you’ve worked with? How about reviews from third-party websites? Do you have customer reviews or testimonials?”

(Recommended software vendors on G2)

(Reviews for a restaurant on Tripadvisor)

(Reviews on my website, pulled from Google)

Assignment

Be Likable

1. List some potential greetings that create the opportunity for more interesting conversations that will help you learn a little more about your prospect.
2. Are there questions that you can ask to invite them to share passionately about a common ground topic that you’re also equally passionate about discussing?
3. Notice one thing that you admire about the next three people you meet and tell them about it.

Build Trust

1. What can you highlight about yourself to establish credibility? Your personal experience with the problem/solution? First-hand experience with other customers?
2. What can you highlight about your company? Happy customers, Reviews, thought leadership, advocacy, etc.